Truck driving is more than just a career. It's a lifestyle for the whole family. Fortunately, the Colonel did his homework before he went into the field and we both had a basic understanding of what this lifestyle would mean. I say basic because there has still been a major learning curve through the time we have been doing this and I'm sure it's far from over.
It's no secret that many trucking marriages end in divorce. The Colonel and I are determined not to be another statistic.
When we started out all the trucking companies and any support said the same thing. I was supposed to be this energizer bunny and handle everything family life sent my way while making sure my husband had nothing but rest and relaxation on his home time with no sight of a break for me. This was the fast track to divorce not to building a healthy family.
Here are a few things that we have learned:
Set Your Family Up For Success - By procrastinating and not helping me get the apartment ready to handle our young toddler and everything else on my own added a lot of unnecessary stress, burn out and strife to our marriage. Do what you can to help make sure the apartment/house is clean and organized when you leave. Something as simple as picking up after yourself or washing some dishes can make a world of difference. This also allows your significant other to devote their attention to helping the children transition if there are children in the picture.
Have a Plan to Communicate But Realize Sometimes It Has to Wait
The Kids - We try to let our kids talk to Daddy every night. The reality is that this isn't always possible. Most of the time they are ok with Daddy is sleeping and we leave him a voice-mail. They know that Daddy
will call them as soon as he can. On the occasional chance that that isn't enough we keep a prerecorded voice-mail that tells them Daddy loves them and misses them or we call another important family member (usually their grandparents) to tell the highlights of their day with. We also do good and bad phone calls. The kids are with me all the time so sometimes listening becomes an issue. In these cases the kids need to hear that Dad not only knows they aren't listening at home but that he is behind Mom in how it is being handled. I really try to avoid these phone calls but they do happen. On the same not when the kids do something really really good we celebrate it with a phone call or leave Daddy a happy voice-mail.
During Storms - The general rule of thumb is the Colonel gives me an idea of where he will be and gets in touch with me when it's safe to let me know he is safe and to check in on me if we are dealing with the same storm at home. Only if there is an important piece of information on the news that directly effects him or an emergency at home do I try to contact him - usually with a text or voice-mail. My main goal is to avoid distracting him. The kids understand this well enough (we want Daddy to be safe) and we use our voice-mail on these nights. I hate being alone in a storm with my kids and I certainly hate waiting for that phone to ring, but if it's what brings my man and his student home safely to their families then I will get over it. As a trainer's wife there is nothing that bothers me more than a significant other that does not understand this concept or a student that doesn't help their significant other really understand how important it is. The student may not be driving but if their phone keeps going off over and over, over every little thing it is still a distraction to the driver. Get them home safely by letting them contact you.
Communicating as a couple - The biggest issues here are your own personal fears and the games your mind plays on you. After we first got married the Colonel wanted to talk the most when I was visiting my family. He had this fear that I would stay there and not come home. If I go so long without hearing from him I do get concerned about whether he is safe or in a ditch somewhere. The Colonel also goes through these phases where he just doesn't want to be bothered to talk which drives me crazy. There are some important things to remember on both sides, which at times is much easier said than done. First, he is on the road to do a job and needs his sleep to stay safe. On the significant other's side, unless they know another trucker's significant other there is no one that really understands what she is dealing with. However, from experience more than likely there are many that think they get it and are very free with advice.
Listen to each other the way you want to be listened to. You want to vent about that wonderful individual that passed you on the right on the highway (immense sarcasm here), a load you are delivering that's a week late, or any of the other frustrations that come with truck driving then give her the same courtesy and really listen to her when she needs to vent.
When you actually do get to talk, stop the conversations with other people, turn off the tv and pay attention to each other. The Colonel is very easily distracted and I actually was convinced he was cheating on me with his teammate because he would pay more attention to the teammate then to me when we did have a chance to talk.
When it comes to the big decisions include each other. I am so thankful that when he started training the Colonel asked me how I felt about him training female students. I honestly was not ok with it and not because I don't trust my man. I wasn't ok with it because I wanted to protect my man and my family. There are students out there unfortunately, both male and female, that will make false accusations because they didn't want to hear what needed to be said. They don't care that there is an entire family and children that will be effected by those false accusations. We both agreed that we wanted to keep the chances of that happening to a minimum as much as possible.
How We Handle Home Time next in Making Our Marriage Work
And a special thank you to all those who were out on the road today or whose trucker was on the road today.
